Forlorn

Perhaps, it is meant to be. 

So, I had been racking up my mind for a while now. Where do I start? How do I start? The wait for the right time, the right moment is so overrated. Because there is never one. Believe me, I know because I had been looking for one for a while now. Let me start with my blog itself. I know for a fact that no one reads it. I literally have to force a few people to sit and read some of the stuff that I had written. Also, come to think of it, I am not that good of a writer. I thought I was. Because this one criteria that I had been writing for a long while is sort of a justification for me to validate myself as one of the elite writers there are. If you didn’t hear, my best novels are just right around the corner. They will be coming out at any moment now.

Speaking of writing, not only am I not at all good at it, I have managed to piss a multitude of people. Whatever happens around me is on the blog, is a common phrase that moves around the circles that I am loosely accustomed with, once. After all the melodrama that I pull, one at a time, the people start to turn away. It goes without saying that I don’t have many friends and even more importantly, I probably shouldn’t write. So, I have decided to do just that. Because I don’t see a point of writing anymore. It used to be my escape at one time. Now, I am even scared of writing not to jinx anything. I have come across this new phenomenon where I have successfully managed t screw almost everything up. Or perhaps it is just me and that I carry this aura of energy that succumbs me into it deeper and deeper. One of the many reasons, why I think of staying away from people. Because I don’t want to drag them down even the slightest possible way. I am like that black cat ant that unlucky number everyone tries to avoid. With all that had been happening with me, I prefer myself to be more isolated and reserved since I never know what will happen when and how bad it is going to be the next time around. And for some reason avoiding and isolation and being a complete ‘stupid’ asshole seemed to be the best option out there.

Well, don’t get me wrong. I had been trying to change things around and not giving up as easy as I had been giving up earlier. That never worked for me and it always ends up even worse than it had started with. So, I made it a point to see it through or at least try to see it through. And for some reason, it still wasn’t enough. And with time, from that let’s see this through changes to why even. Currently, I am at the latter stage and I keep looking for some miracle to happen out of the blue but come on, let’s be honest, there rarely is a silver lining, oh well, at least no silver or any other metal linings for me.

I think this is going to be a “great” year for me, not that the previous years have been any less good. But this is going to be the next level and for some reason, I know it and feel it too. Two months into the year and it gives you ample experience already. That means that this is the year it all happens, and hopefully, there won’t be another year. #FingersCrossed. Well, I guess I am done with talking to myself for the day. Let’s meet again, hopefully on another blog.

Perhaps,
I will shut down this blog.
I will start all over again, like the million other times I did.
And lastly, this is the year it all happens.