Disclaimer : This is not for the faint of heart / stamina. Treat yourself with a bottle of Nimboo ka paani / Coconut water before reading, or I can sponsor you (of course after reading and believe me, you would need it). Extensive use of hashtags (because I can) and random names ( to screw it up for people to read and follow the context). [Pro Tip : Use a notepad and a pencil to keep up. You are welcome]. And … yeah.. this is my fascination with words and an experiment involving myself as a critic.Let me allow you to be the judge of it. Any relevance to either living or dead or fictional is totally coincidental
Disclaimer P.S. : Red Alert – Don’t read if you haven’t watch the movie titled : “Fast and Furious 7″ or you happen to be a “Die Hard”  fan of it. Yes you, don’t, just don’t!
#kuchBhi #kuchBhiMovie #FreakingKuchBhi #theKuchBhiMoments
Fiction has always been a fascination. The words that do the magic of converting an idea into a reality for the imaginative mind to ponder around in building a world around its structure. It is just a bliss in a way. I am fascinated by it. As a matter of fact, I even attempted to write some fiction. No, not everything I write here is fiction. Seriously, it is not.I did give it a try a few times. I just couldn’t proceed with it. Why, you ask? I didn’t have the foundation for the story, a comprehensive proof. Sure, I could make things just around, break things or even bring upon a purple wedding. At the end it should make sense and be justifiable, well like that purple wedding. Most of the South Indian movies could defy physics, biology, chemistry, all you mean to say is “Science”, yeah, Science. If you are thinking why I jumped from writing to movies in a beat, it is because I draw information from everything. And the people around me have become monotonous, by which I mean getting married. Speaking of married, what’s up with people and marriage. Hot cakes, I say! This year alone I attended five freaking marriages. I mean, umm.. okay, let’s leave it at that. So, fiction writing and movies. As I watch the movie, in my head I would be reciting it as if I am reading it, trying to pen down how an author would do if he / she were to write the movie as a book. Now, the main point we are discussing here is logic. I have stopped mid way a lot of stories because I couldn’t get the logic right! Yes, the fact that I haven’t experienced a lot of things is another debatable topic. But logic, in general. So, here is one story.
The story begins with a classic revenge – the kind of revenge that big brothers take for their younger siblings, in a high end car chase kind of big way. So…
#One : In the process of collecting the information against the people who put the younger sibling in hospital who will eventually end up in a jail, Mr. X kicks the ass of a heavy weight champion, umm supercop. Bham, wham, boom, the supercop guy whooshes out of the window and falls down from a three storey building. He ends up with a fractured hand and a sprained leg. #noScratchsAllowed
Mr. X knows about all the people in the “Hero” gang from the information collected from the supercop’s computer and decides to eliminate one by one, or all at a time which ever was convenient. Just as then, he leaves a warning message by blowing their house. The Hero 1 gets hyper pissed off and is determined to set things straight. Meanwhile, the Hero6 gets killed my Mr.X as the other heroes encounter a blast in their home. H1 sets out to Japan, just like that to get his chain, which he had been wearing from the Day 1 of the sries start. How did it even end up there? Well anyway, he is determined to take revenge for his dear departed friend. All the heros attend H6’s funeral where H1 senses the presence of Mr. X. He takes out his super car and chases him down into an underpass where they face each other. Wrooom, wrooom. The super cars accelerate signaling for a combat by hood-fight, hood-to-hood. They go at full speed or over 100 miles in like 3 seconds and ram into each other. #NotASingleScratch while the two super cars are now junk after the head on collison. Mr X takes out his gun but doesn’t fire ( this would just end the movie, just like that). May be he had the safety on. Or may be he was out of bullets. Spider soldiers drop from no where. Yeah no where. It was a underpass, but well, no big deal there. Mr X escapes.
Superop guy recommends a special task force, an old friend of his to get that Mr X back, who happens to be a kick ass (literally) ex-soldier who was tried to be put down, but it was just next to impossible. The old friend recommends an alternative deal to H1 for his help on something – If he succeeds in bringing the required item, all his soldiers will be at H1’s disposal. But H1 wanted his own team. H1, H2, H3, H4, And H5 (H1’s {spoiler alert :}wife, but she doesn’t know yet) set out to get a person who has created Big Brother, in other terms a Virtual tracking device, which is called Gods Eye.
#Two : The plan was to grab a person from a highly secure transport facility but they couldn’t just drive up to there ( They were going green, saving fuel. Wait, they were wasting it. How ? read on ..) They decide to intercept the transport mid way at some point “p” on the map which is the best possible way to grab the person, I mean the hacker person who was still faceless, unknown and a mystery. Instead of driving upto there in their super cars, they decide to para-jump from the aircraft sitting in their super cars. What the whhhaaaaatt…! What the hell was that for? I have no idea! They make a safe landing, well almost everyone, just where they wanted, duh! Machine guns, hook and nook, and human jumps become order of the day. H2 gets into the machine gun infested, heavy vehicle and grabs the package, oops sorry, the person who happens to be a hot girl with curly hair. Mr X finds the whole gang trying to do some stupid stunt. He tracks them down without the help of Gods Eye or any tracking device. This H-gang was sloppy as hell. Our hero gang was risking their life for that Gods Eyewhich was supposed to be used to find Mr X. 
I guess Mr X is a super hero here. He didn’t need anything and he was coming at them alone, and he was coming with full force, full guns blazing, armored vehicle like no other. Skid, jump, drag, accelerate – the girl is now with H1, who is being chased by Mr X. H1 eventually manages to cripple Mr. X’s vehicle. Just as then H1 along with the hot girl are pinned at the edge of the cliff by the people who were transporting her for the God’s eye drive ( They had freaking helicopters and drones equipped with missiles – This was way too high end to be transporting by road!)and eventually they lose the hot girl.
#Three : Now, the hot girl and our H1 are in the car pinned down by the Villains and they had no where to go, except down the cliff. H1 tells the hot girl to wear a helmet, does a 360 and jumps off the cliff. It tumbles down and down and guess what ( you already know, don’t you)H1 is literally without a scratch while the hot girl has a few (for namesake) and she happens to be unconscious due to the tumbling down.
Upon interrogation  about God’s eye, they realize that the item in question was “supposed” to be safe with the hot girls’ best friend since she didn’t “trust” anyone else. The hot girl’s stupid happened to be in Dubai. So, the Hero gang, the old friend  along with the hot girl (of course) fly to Dubai to retrieve the drive from the best friend. Unfortunately he happens to have sold it. “Take care of it until I come” means sell it to the Prince without telling me. But nothing to worry. He was a Prince, lives in a penthouse with the highest security, the best fastest-bulletproof( this is convenient) car in the world and he happens to have hid the drive inside the car ( What was he thinking in the first place?)
#Four : The hero gang get entry, hack the security camera and are good to steal the drive. But as then someone gets sloppy ofcourse, the Hero(ine)5. The lead security officer is a lady (obviously, right? who wouldn’t have a ass kicking heavyweight champion has a personal security guard). An epic (girly/cat) fight with heels-on happens between H5 and very strong security lady, who also happens to raise the alarm of an intrusion before entering into the fight. So the guys who were trying to steal the drive from the secure place are eventually getting trapped. There was no time to waste. H1 and H2 hop into the car and break the wall through the narrow escape on the closing walls just in time. The Prince gets angry and they start shooting at them. Well, the car is bulletproof and no bullets could do any good. Instead of taking an elevator down, they choose to fly out. Yes sir. H1 is an expert driver and he made the whatever-calculations-needed and accelerates the car and rams it through the glass window pane only to land on the adjacent building which was undergoing renovation (luckily). This was a blindest perfect jump ever ( If I were driving that car, I would end up hitting between the two floors and eventually have a flight straight down. May be that’s why I am not the leading character).But Houston, we have a terrible problem. The brakes wont work, for some reason. Guys, the costliest, fastest, bulletproof car just for you, oh wait, the brakes might not work sometime so you have to learn to jump out of it. And in order to escape this horror, the H1 again speeds up and takes it through the glass again to the third building where a old monument convention was going on ( on like the 80th floor, who would take all that trouble to take those things up there?). They manage to destroy every piece of it, smash-smash-smash and get the drive out and also manage to jump out of the car just in time while the car takes an express flight straight down. ( Oooh damn. The car which they called Beast is now literally nothing but junk). 
#Five : Now that the worlds greatest tracking device is in hand, they could find anybody in the world in a matter of seconds. Mr X is tracked down to an abandoned factory, of course! The H -gang preps up and sets for a surprise invasion and eventually wither kill / capture Mr X. They set out in the night with lights blazing from the SUV’s (that’s called stealth mode) only to find Mr X having a nice dinner. PLease note that Mr X is a highly trained operative with no mercy at all and he fast and strong and awesome. They have him right in sight, but can’t shoot ( duh! the movie would get over) only to find reinforcements in the form of Villains from whom they stole the package. Fire, bullets blazing, grenades blasting. The God’s eye falls from the H-gang, and another member is shot. To rescue him they leave without the God’s eye. (They could have just destroyed it instead of leaving it there. They still had the creator who could totally create it back. It’s not like she was old and took decades to build it. Remember, she is hot?). What I didn’t understand is why didn’t Mr. X kill them then and there? It wasn’t like they became invisible. They had a dying man and a Black SUV. And they were running away in the night with lights on. Anybody could chase them, literally.
Anyway, the old officer dude was hit pretty badly in the crossfire and tells them they are on their own. So, the H gang want to take it to the home town where they the streets better or whatever! So, the villains track using the God’s eye, and even though they have the best tracking software, they still wanted the hot girl.
#Six : A small car chase ends up with H1 facing Mr X in the abandoned parking lot just like the scene an hour earlier in the underpass. Vroom, accelerate, clash! They hit each other face to face with a bit of a twist. While these guys were going head on, the hot girl has a plan to hack her software and take back the control but that requires her to in the close proximity of the God’s eye. The twist here is that the Villains were in the chopper and they deploy a drone equipped with missiles. They use the god’s eye to pin point their location and shoot missiles at them to kill them? They wanted the hot girl but still they were throwing missiles. They jump out of super cars going at great speed, they switch cars, they do all the stunts that could have been possible. Oh, yeah! Not a scratch. I had paper cuts while eating popcorn. I had to bandage it, literally.

#Seven : H1 finally manages to knock Mr X, and he even manages to place a bag full of grenades on the chopper used by the villains by jolting himself at about 80 degrees angle and falls down. The H gang rush to check him whether he is alive or dead. H2 confirms that he is dead. H5 (the still-not-disclosed-wife-of-H1) finally speaks to him about getting out of coma, umm, no.. it wasn’t coma… oh yeah, getting her memory back, which is a miracle actually since there is no “Science” involved for this. H1 finally wakes up from his sleep. Yay! 

Let me break down a little secret here. I am a big fan of Mr X. And that is one of the reason why I wanted him to win this “War”. He may be the bad guy! These H-gang weren’t any less. 
No more people died. Thank God. Except the 230 cars that were presumably used and destroyed while making. The extravaganza! 




P.S. Few things worth mentioning I guess :
a. Yes, #iAmAHashTagFanatic. No, I don’t tweet much. I just #Retweet tweets. It is much easier than thinking what to tweet and ending up with nothing to tweet. 
b. Yes, I am a lousy critic. Look at me as a logical person. And no, don’t say it is just a movie and it is a work of fiction. Yes, it is. But that doesn’t mean anything can happen for the benefit of the movie. At least make it look real.
Friend’s Opinion on the movie : “I felt like I was watching an animated movie”. Well, that would have made more sense, wouldn’t it?
c. If you decide to kill me (for ruining a “supposedly” good movie or whatever) now? Get in line, okay? 

d. There might be a ton of grammatical mistakes. This whole correcting the grammar thing on the internet has messed up my mind. I guess I am remembering all the wrong sentences and assuming that they are right! What the hell, right? That feeling is mutual here. *shakes head vigorously to snap out of it*

#FF7 #Fast7 #FastAndFurious7