Kintsugi

Isn’t it so much better when things just stay in the mind? Isn’t it so much better to suffer in silence? Because thoughts, our thoughts are so much safe in the confinements of our mind. There is nothing good that happens when it leaves that bubble inside our mind. There is nothing good that happens. I have quite a few too many experiences. And as I think about it now, I have a feeling it is so much better to keep them inside the mind. Because letting them out is just another headache because there are always consequences to what those thoughts do and it never leaves a good taste. And then sometimes people ask me why I am so silent and calm? Maybe because I have too many dark* thoughts inside and my opinions (apparently half knowledge) always leave a bad taste.

*dark as in what the others might not accept or like

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But sometimes, sometimes it’s just not easy to let them stay inside that bubble of ours, that confinement that we feel that they will be safe in. Because there is this mind that has a battle of its own and those thoughts never leave the mind alone and there is more mess that gets created in the mind that there already is. And I let them out, in the one way I know I can. Writing. It is a medium to let them have a place outside my mind, where they don’t just stay and grow and grow and eventually come to a point where they have to explode. That explosion doesn’t set the mind free either. It just makes it more and more worse. You might not understand. Having said that, letting it go, by writing is not easy either. Because actions have reactions. I know I know! I understand what your thinking! How come my blog gets reactions when there are no comments in the first place? I know. This is an interesting prospect. But recently, it did happen. This is what I want to talk about.

I agree that I have gone a little overboard. Hence, the person in question had nothing much to say, but the person-in-question’s possessive partner had something to share. My letting go off things didn’t quite work right there. Because there was a reaction! I would call it an over-reaction. Because it got personal! WHOA! I know right? PERSONAL TEXT MESSAGES! But as I had already chosen to let the so-called ‘past’ be in the past, I didn’t want to react to the over-reaction. I didn’t want to ever. I should have probably kept it to myself. But then again, I have slipped this piece of information to a few people who are pretty close. And I had told them that I would never ever read the messages no matter what. Because of past-should-stay-in-the-past policy. You see, I could have kept it to myself. It wasn’t that big deal of a thing for me to share with someone, but it was kind of a big deal for me to not do what I had told myself not to do. And I SHARED! One thing led to another, the message was opened. I didn’t want the over-reacting person to know that I had opened the message, but there are things that I can control, but I gave them the freedom. And since the message was opened, which I had never wanted it to happen, now the message had also been read by them. I was okay with that as well. But all I had asked was not to tell me anything that was written in those messages. And guess what I kept getting subtle hints of what was written over there. These were the same people who told me to let it go. I did. But then again, here we are not letting it go.

Kintsugi! This is sort of an art, where the broken things are fixed together with gold. But let’s say that some things don’t want to be put together, or let me put it this way, some things can’t be put back together, not even gold can hold it together.

EndNote
I don’t know what the moral or the morale of the story is. So, let me break it down- keeping inside will keep others happy, but will break us on the inside. And letting it out, umm, will apparently haunt us back, but will make a few others+us(which we already have been) unhappy. So, I guess, keeping on the inside is the best option, after all.

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