I was on Twitter the other day and all of a sudden I get a comment which stated that I was a attention seeker. I had a little laugh of my own and did try to take it on the lighter side. But the comment didn’t just go way, it went deeper and the person in conversation really didn’t give a damn. The person was so agnostic that they didn’t care enough to let me know what I was. I did have a little hard time figuring out who the attention seeker was. Having said that, I had to ask myself, was I really one?
I am at a social event and sit at one of the tables, which are at the far end corner, muffled with shadows and which doesn’t attract much people with a phone in my hand and trying to look extremely busy and preoccupied not to give away that I was bad at small talk and perhaps may be my hair is wrongly done, or the dress is not quite right. I keep the conversations to a level that it ends after a hello. Perhaps, I have a bad voice. Oh wait, I really do have a bad voice. And my teeth are a bit out. And perhaps the odd looking skin tone. Why have I become so self conscious? But then everyone at this social gathering is introducing themselves, and I will have to as well. I pick up what I need to tell from other’s introduction and phrase my own sentences changing the name and some other details. But I keep forgetting what the sentences were. Perhaps it is the nervousness or the already said ‘good’ qualities that I have already mentioned. I just want to slid out, go to the washroom and come back when all of this is over. But then again the mike is in my hand and I start off with the broken thoughts and the half made sentences. The expression on people’s faces gives away that I wasn’t quite audible even with a mike in hand. I realize that my voice is so low, so I start over again, but this time I forget what I had to say, because I lost the momentum. I end up with worse introductions than I had thought I ever could. But then someone clicks a photo and shares it on the Facebook with a mike in hand, my excessively large teeth stealing the limelight because of the complexion. I facepalm myself and sink into my chair and try to be as invisible as possible. But then what about the event, what about the social gathering, the people all around talking and meeting people excitedly. Before I could think any further, I am again busy with my phone and the only thing that I keep doing is locking and unlocking the phone, to look just as busy and preoccupied.
With all these insecurities and short comings, I still want to be an attention seeker. Ofcourse I do, don’t I?
P.S. : I am planning to take up the #UltimateBloggingChallenge by writing posts for the entire month. I know I have missed the first few days, which I intend to cover up in the latter days.
P.P.S : I have refrained from writing about myself. I don’t exactly know the reason, but I guess there’s no point in not writing.