Wednesday, April 22, 2015


Less than three.

Disclaimer : No animals were hurt during this post. But a few 'might' get hurt after reading this. Please keep the doctor on speed dail. Any resemblance to anyone/anything alive or dead is coincidental(ie. true). And also, Cigarette smoking is injurious to health. Not that you care. 
Disclaimer P.S : Less than three in "social term"(ie. the language of social media) can be abbreviated as " < 3". Do you understand? Plus, before you go wondering and get lost, mystery : love!

Let me be frank with you, and if you already know then just bear with me. Love has always been a complicated thing. Though I have never looked for it, I always had this nagging feeling that it just might happen. I was wrong. It doesn't work that way. I was too stupid to realize even after watching a million movies. Speaking of movies, well we will go there in a few stances. But I wanted to understand what it really felt like. So, instead of (again) not trying to find love, I retracted to much easier version - learning from others. Books are a great place to start with. But then I realized I was more of a murderous person, I mean a mystery-adventure book kind of guy. I wasn't a little bit romantic. I failed the first step to understand romanticism, in other words love. Though I haven't had the courage to read many, but I did read a few, I mean two. But then I realized that even if the story is a standpoint of a different person, the feelings and characters, the plot, but I was doing the screenplay in my mind. And as a non-romantic that I am, I censored the creepy parts. Then there were movies which did the screenplay as well, which was cool in a way. But the phrase "non" that was usually appended with a term in my self description which goes in the lines of non-romantic never faded.

However hopeless I was, however impossible it seemed, I still wanted to know. I am human after all. And all humans are romantic, what's wrong with you?! So, in the process of finding true love or atleast love I have come across some pretty interesting stories, assumptions and a few( esp. from the movies) for which I made myself the critic.

a. The critic.
Let me start with the movies, I mean I am a critic now. I recently watched a lot many movies, of which a lot a few turned out be rom-com (Romantic Comedy). I am going to point out to three movies which I felt were in the lines of yours truly (in terms of passion. On second thought strike that). So the central character (hero) is a famous writer who has either published very good novels or have scripted for very successful movies. But they hit the block where they can not move ahead with the story or novel or the script. So, they feel lost and can't even pen a word. *Drum roll* - Another central/lead Character entry -Heroine. The hero as usual is smitten by the girl. They feel the electric pulses when they first make contact. Basically there is a lot of tension between the people. But wait, oh the love does happen, but the girl already has a boyfriend ( a lover, in terms of being a romantic). Oh, that's a bummer. But our hero still doesn't care and makes out with the heroine, passionately of course. (Now, if I were that guy, I mean in Hero's shoes, I would rather respect her choice of "already having a boyfriend" and sulk in my bed or hit a bar or something. But the hero doesn't do any of that) [Critic Expert Comment :  Now, at this point we, as a spectator would love to watch the union of hero and heroine since "he" is the hero and "she" is the heroine and we are definitely wishing for them a happy ending by settling together. But come on, that Biatch(heroine, however cute or sexy) is already cheating and we are just loving it. Why? Because the hero is cute and so is the heroine. So, right on. ] But. But the heroine says she is already engaged or is already in love and that last night was a MISTAKE, which shouldn't have happened and wont' happen. Hero loses faith. His story is stopped again. He smashes things. (Light bulb in his mind) She is the one and he has to get her, at ANY COST. He runs to the airport, catches the last flight which he would have missed if he was a second late, takes a cab and tells the driver to step on it; stops the marriage just in time. They run towards each other, kiss and live happily ever after, I mean "THE END".

b. Wait, what, I mean how ? 
We were a group of six and we used to hang out on weekends and made the most of the weekends, well on most days. It came as a surprise when a friend proposed another friend of mine who was a year elder, which isn't the point. We were on a road trip and this fellow who had been sitting beside me the whole journey seemed to have proposed and I had no idea about it. I came in light of this news a couple of months later. To this day, I still wonder how that happened (beside me)? Now they are happily married.

c. Missed Opportunity
I haven't felt more bad for anyone else. For almost a year, he kept this as a secret, not letting even a hint of lapse. He loved her dearly. You know what, this very guy inspired me in writing a few lines in the lines of romantic. But then he chicken out and said, it was better to let go than pursue and ruin everything that was perfect. So, one year, he kept loving her from afar. I urged him to take a leap of faith and burst that bubble - by which you will at least have the clarity on what to do next. He fought back saying it was better left un-expressed. Recently, he got wind that she was about to be married. I wanted to know how he felt about all that. "No Comment", he said. That was the last, he spoke with me and I with him. I didn't want to push him. 

d. Blood Love.
I made a new friend(now no longer) during the transition from one work to another, though I ended up where I began, literally. She said she already had a boyfriend, as if anyone would pry on her. So, one casual conversation led her to reveal her love story. It started six/seven years ago, when she was in college. Though he is staying far from her now, she was in a long distance relationship. She used to tell me how "protective" he is of her, that he doesn't allow her to go out, that he scolds her whenever she talks with any guy, likewise. That he loved her very much much but never wanted anyone to know about it in college. That his parents would ask a huge sum as dowry and that she didn't have it. That she was getting irritated by her boyfriend. I had to ask her about how it all began. She hesitated to tell, but she eventually told. He, our hero, seemed to have cut his hand pretty bad after he got rejected by her. She being the caring one, took pity on him and accepted his proposal. To which I was not only shocked and thought what kind of a stupid this person is. In her words, " Agar koi aapke liye haat kat leta hai, tho kitna pyaar karta hoga. Isliye haan keh diya" ( Translation : "If someone cuts their hand for someone they like, they must really love the person. That's why I said Yes"). I deemed her mad at that very moment and that guy the stupidest person ever. A few days later, they broke up and she was happy. But she kept telling that he was still cutting his hand / not eating / doing some other drama. Eventually, he wasn't able to convince his parents it seems, she was happy that she was alone again and ready to mingle. About time, right? Now get this, her future husband : Should be atleast an IAS. I was like Pyaar ka tho dhajiya uda diya en logo ne.

e. Don't say a word.
I have this friend who has a girlfriend and who ditches us whenever she calls to meet. The worst part of it all is when he is with us, he is not with us. He is glued to his cell phone as if Fevi Quik accidentally fell on his hands and he was holding the phone. Oh wait, there is another worst part, she is about to be married. While his story runs on endangered fossil fuel, there is another guy who was smitten by "love" so bad that he roamed the city a couple of weeks and then broke up with her when he thought he could do better and have "better" girls. Yes, its a plural. Now, he not only ogles like a maniac, he is eyeing an already married girl. (Oh, thanks for the knife. *Stabs myself*.

Sometimes, I feel it is better to not get involved in all this love-shuv thing. Because of the people like these. But then again, it is still a mystery to me and I like to solve that. The thing about this so called love is that is that it isn't visible. Well, it is visible if one is hopelessly in love or a die hard romantic at heart, neither of which I can associate myself with. But for a, is it safe to say, stone-hearted person like myself, it is like unchartered territory and it is totally safe to say that it is like an onsite opportunity in my project - never going to happen. Never. Ever. Never. Ever. 

P.S. Dear People-in-Love, I know how stupid and idiotic I might sound right now. But, please don't shower the gyan on me. I will still not understand the complication unless I row that boat myself. So, please spare me. I beg of you.

Friday, April 10, 2015


Disclaimer : This is not for the faint of heart / stamina. Treat yourself with a bottle of Nimboo ka paani / Coconut water before reading, or I can sponsor you (of course after reading and believe me, you would need it). Extensive use of hashtags (because I can) and random names ( to screw it up for people to read and follow the context). [Pro Tip : Use a notepad and a pencil to keep up. You are welcome]. And ... yeah.. this is my fascination with words and an experiment involving myself as a critic.Let me allow you to be the judge of it. Any relevance to either living or dead or fictional is totally coincidental
Disclaimer P.S. : Red Alert - Don't read if you haven't watch the movie titled : "Fast and Furious 7" or you happen to be a "Die Hard"  fan of it. Yes you, don't, just don't!

#kuchBhi #kuchBhiMovie #FreakingKuchBhi #theKuchBhiMoments

Fiction has always been a fascination. The words that do the magic of converting an idea into a reality for the imaginative mind to ponder around in building a world around its structure. It is just a bliss in a way. I am fascinated by it. As a matter of fact, I even attempted to write some fiction. No, not everything I write here is fiction. Seriously, it is not.I did give it a try a few times. I just couldn't proceed with it. Why, you ask? I didn't have the foundation for the story, a comprehensive proof. Sure, I could make things just around, break things or even bring upon a purple wedding. At the end it should make sense and be justifiable, well like that purple wedding. Most of the South Indian movies could defy physics, biology, chemistry, all you mean to say is "Science", yeah, Science. If you are thinking why I jumped from writing to movies in a beat, it is because I draw information from everything. And the people around me have become monotonous, by which I mean getting married. Speaking of married, what's up with people and marriage. Hot cakes, I say! This year alone I attended five freaking marriages. I mean, umm.. okay, let's leave it at that. So, fiction writing and movies. As I watch the movie, in my head I would be reciting it as if I am reading it, trying to pen down how an author would do if he / she were to write the movie as a book. Now, the main point we are discussing here is logic. I have stopped mid way a lot of stories because I couldn't get the logic right! Yes, the fact that I haven't experienced a lot of things is another debatable topic. But logic, in general. So, here is one story.

The story begins with a classic revenge - the kind of revenge that big brothers take for their younger siblings, in a high end car chase kind of big way. So...

#One : In the process of collecting the information against the people who put the younger sibling in hospital who will eventually end up in a jail, Mr. X kicks the ass of a heavy weight champion, umm supercop. Bham, wham, boom, the supercop guy whooshes out of the window and falls down from a three storey building. He ends up with a fractured hand and a sprained leg. #noScratchsAllowed

Mr. X knows about all the people in the "Hero" gang from the information collected from the supercop's computer and decides to eliminate one by one, or all at a time which ever was convenient. Just as then, he leaves a warning message by blowing their house. The Hero 1 gets hyper pissed off and is determined to set things straight. Meanwhile, the Hero6 gets killed my Mr.X as the other heroes encounter a blast in their home. H1 sets out to Japan, just like that to get his chain, which he had been wearing from the Day 1 of the sries start. How did it even end up there? Well anyway, he is determined to take revenge for his dear departed friend. All the heros attend H6's funeral where H1 senses the presence of Mr. X. He takes out his super car and chases him down into an underpass where they face each other. Wrooom, wrooom. The super cars accelerate signaling for a combat by hood-fight, hood-to-hood. They go at full speed or over 100 miles in like 3 seconds and ram into each other. #NotASingleScratch while the two super cars are now junk after the head on collison. Mr X takes out his gun but doesn't fire ( this would just end the movie, just like that). May be he had the safety on. Or may be he was out of bullets. Spider soldiers drop from no where. Yeah no where. It was a underpass, but well, no big deal there. Mr X escapes.

Superop guy recommends a special task force, an old friend of his to get that Mr X back, who happens to be a kick ass (literally) ex-soldier who was tried to be put down, but it was just next to impossible. The old friend recommends an alternative deal to H1 for his help on something - If he succeeds in bringing the required item, all his soldiers will be at H1's disposal. But H1 wanted his own team. H1, H2, H3, H4, And H5 (H1's {spoiler alert :}wife, but she doesn't know yet) set out to get a person who has created Big Brother, in other terms a Virtual tracking device, which is called Gods Eye.

#Two : The plan was to grab a person from a highly secure transport facility but they couldn't just drive up to there ( They were going green, saving fuel. Wait, they were wasting it. How ? read on ..) They decide to intercept the transport mid way at some point "p" on the map which is the best possible way to grab the person, I mean the hacker person who was still faceless, unknown and a mystery. Instead of driving upto there in their super cars, they decide to para-jump from the aircraft sitting in their super cars. What the whhhaaaaatt...! What the hell was that for? I have no idea! They make a safe landing, well almost everyone, just where they wanted, duh! Machine guns, hook and nook, and human jumps become order of the day. H2 gets into the machine gun infested, heavy vehicle and grabs the package, oops sorry, the person who happens to be a hot girl with curly hair. Mr X finds the whole gang trying to do some stupid stunt. He tracks them down without the help of Gods Eye or any tracking device. This H-gang was sloppy as hell. Our hero gang was risking their life for that Gods Eyewhich was supposed to be used to find Mr X. 

I guess Mr X is a super hero here. He didn't need anything and he was coming at them alone, and he was coming with full force, full guns blazing, armored vehicle like no other. Skid, jump, drag, accelerate - the girl is now with H1, who is being chased by Mr X. H1 eventually manages to cripple Mr. X's vehicle. Just as then H1 along with the hot girl are pinned at the edge of the cliff by the people who were transporting her for the God's eye drive ( They had freaking helicopters and drones equipped with missiles - This was way too high end to be transporting by road!)and eventually they lose the hot girl.

#Three : Now, the hot girl and our H1 are in the car pinned down by the Villains and they had no where to go, except down the cliff. H1 tells the hot girl to wear a helmet, does a 360 and jumps off the cliff. It tumbles down and down and guess what ( you already know, don't you)H1 is literally without a scratch while the hot girl has a few (for namesake) and she happens to be unconscious due to the tumbling down.

Upon interrogation  about God's eye, they realize that the item in question was "supposed" to be safe with the hot girls' best friend since she didn't "trust" anyone else. The hot girl's stupid happened to be in Dubai. So, the Hero gang, the old friend  along with the hot girl (of course) fly to Dubai to retrieve the drive from the best friend. Unfortunately he happens to have sold it. "Take care of it until I come" means sell it to the Prince without telling me. But nothing to worry. He was a Prince, lives in a penthouse with the highest security, the best fastest-bulletproof( this is convenient) car in the world and he happens to have hid the drive inside the car ( What was he thinking in the first place?)

#Four : The hero gang get entry, hack the security camera and are good to steal the drive. But as then someone gets sloppy ofcourse, the Hero(ine)5. The lead security officer is a lady (obviously, right? who wouldn't have a ass kicking heavyweight champion has a personal security guard). An epic (girly/cat) fight with heels-on happens between H5 and very strong security lady, who also happens to raise the alarm of an intrusion before entering into the fight. So the guys who were trying to steal the drive from the secure place are eventually getting trapped. There was no time to waste. H1 and H2 hop into the car and break the wall through the narrow escape on the closing walls just in time. The Prince gets angry and they start shooting at them. Well, the car is bulletproof and no bullets could do any good. Instead of taking an elevator down, they choose to fly out. Yes sir. H1 is an expert driver and he made the whatever-calculations-needed and accelerates the car and rams it through the glass window pane only to land on the adjacent building which was undergoing renovation (luckily). This was a blindest perfect jump ever ( If I were driving that car, I would end up hitting between the two floors and eventually have a flight straight down. May be that's why I am not the leading character).But Houston, we have a terrible problem. The brakes wont work, for some reason. Guys, the costliest, fastest, bulletproof car just for you, oh wait, the brakes might not work sometime so you have to learn to jump out of it. And in order to escape this horror, the H1 again speeds up and takes it through the glass again to the third building where a old monument convention was going on ( on like the 80th floor, who would take all that trouble to take those things up there?). They manage to destroy every piece of it, smash-smash-smash and get the drive out and also manage to jump out of the car just in time while the car takes an express flight straight down. ( Oooh damn. The car which they called Beast is now literally nothing but junk). 

#Five : Now that the worlds greatest tracking device is in hand, they could find anybody in the world in a matter of seconds. Mr X is tracked down to an abandoned factory, of course! The H -gang preps up and sets for a surprise invasion and eventually wither kill / capture Mr X. They set out in the night with lights blazing from the SUV's (that's called stealth mode) only to find Mr X having a nice dinner. PLease note that Mr X is a highly trained operative with no mercy at all and he fast and strong and awesome. They have him right in sight, but can't shoot ( duh! the movie would get over) only to find reinforcements in the form of Villains from whom they stole the package. Fire, bullets blazing, grenades blasting. The God's eye falls from the H-gang, and another member is shot. To rescue him they leave without the God's eye. (They could have just destroyed it instead of leaving it there. They still had the creator who could totally create it back. It's not like she was old and took decades to build it. Remember, she is hot?). What I didn't understand is why didn't Mr. X kill them then and there? It wasn't like they became invisible. They had a dying man and a Black SUV. And they were running away in the night with lights on. Anybody could chase them, literally.

Anyway, the old officer dude was hit pretty badly in the crossfire and tells them they are on their own. So, the H gang want to take it to the home town where they the streets better or whatever! So, the villains track using the God's eye, and even though they have the best tracking software, they still wanted the hot girl.

#Six : A small car chase ends up with H1 facing Mr X in the abandoned parking lot just like the scene an hour earlier in the underpass. Vroom, accelerate, clash! They hit each other face to face with a bit of a twist. While these guys were going head on, the hot girl has a plan to hack her software and take back the control but that requires her to in the close proximity of the God's eye. The twist here is that the Villains were in the chopper and they deploy a drone equipped with missiles. They use the god's eye to pin point their location and shoot missiles at them to kill them? They wanted the hot girl but still they were throwing missiles. They jump out of super cars going at great speed, they switch cars, they do all the stunts that could have been possible. Oh, yeah! Not a scratch. I had paper cuts while eating popcorn. I had to bandage it, literally.

#Seven : H1 finally manages to knock Mr X, and he even manages to place a bag full of grenades on the chopper used by the villains by jolting himself at about 80 degrees angle and falls down. The H gang rush to check him whether he is alive or dead. H2 confirms that he is dead. H5 (the still-not-disclosed-wife-of-H1) finally speaks to him about getting out of coma, umm, no.. it wasn't coma... oh yeah, getting her memory back, which is a miracle actually since there is no "Science" involved for this. H1 finally wakes up from his sleep. Yay! 

Let me break down a little secret here. I am a big fan of Mr X. And that is one of the reason why I wanted him to win this "War". He may be the bad guy! These H-gang weren't any less. 

No more people died. Thank God. Except the 230 cars that were presumably used and destroyed while making. The extravaganza! 


P.S. Few things worth mentioning I guess :
a. Yes, #iAmAHashTagFanatic. No, I don't tweet much. I just #Retweet tweets. It is much easier than thinking what to tweet and ending up with nothing to tweet. 
b. Yes, I am a lousy critic. Look at me as a logical person. And no, don't say it is just a movie and it is a work of fiction. Yes, it is. But that doesn't mean anything can happen for the benefit of the movie. At least make it look real.
Friend's Opinion on the movie : "I felt like I was watching an animated movie". Well, that would have made more sense, wouldn't it?
c. If you decide to kill me (for ruining a "supposedly" good movie or whatever) now? Get in line, okay? 
d. There might be a ton of grammatical mistakes. This whole correcting the grammar thing on the internet has messed up my mind. I guess I am remembering all the wrong sentences and assuming that they are right! What the hell, right? That feeling is mutual here. *shakes head vigorously to snap out of it*

#FF7 #Fast7 #FastAndFurious7

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Move on.

Disclaimer : This post has more hashtags than the content. Wait, what content?

#ThisIsNotMe #seriously #youGottoBelieveMe
He stepped out feeling the bright sun warming up in the summer morning, until he broke a sweat and never stopped sweating. Global warming, they say. "Its' getting out of hand", he said as he swiped that sweat on his forehead. He was wearing this what looked like a cap, which looked crazy though. By crazy, please note that it means weird in this context. It was black, well most part of it. It might have been a old one, because it looked faded a bit, discolored and a lot shabby like it hasn't been washed  or a decade. And then it was sparkling, not the good kind, but it was more like Wait-whats-that-now! No it wasn't the diamonds or anything remotely similar, it had these white strips like the one we find on the road which illuminate when light falls on it, something like that. I had to ask him whats up with that cap of his. I even suggested that he could opt going out without that "cap". He stared at me like I committed some dreadful sin and said, "What are you talking about? I don't have a cap on. Its' just my hair".

#bloggerComment #Blogger #twitter #Motivate
A small intermission will fill more energy afresh in your mind". I had to bring this up. The comment went on to say, " So I am sure with new topics and novel ideas you will be on the track". Now, I feel like I haven't been able to meet up with the expectations. The Blogger had been sweet enough to encourage me, like many other on the social media. I was like that crazy person bragging about not being able to write as if that is a good thing. I have seen many people being there to support and offer guidance. They have been really sweet. Where as I on the other hand, still bragging. I feat I might be the most disappointing thing on the blogosphere, even after all that! 

#pact #LetsMeetUp #randomRealization
I always wanted to do this thing called "Lets' meet up". Like when you are high on success or failure or alcohol or whatnot, you look at your friend sitting beside you while you sip that beer and say, "Hey dude, you know what we should do. We should meet at this place ten years from now. No matter what situation we might be in, lets' make it a thing". This sounds so cool, doesn't it? Then I realized I don't drink beer, or alcohol (beer and alcohol belong to the same family, duh!) or success or failure or friends (close enough to make the pact)That's the saddest part. As a matter of fact, I can count on my fingers. 

#marriage #Friends #theDistance
What marriage does to friends, I never realized. A few of my friends got married and are on the way of getting married. And you could clearly see the change when I am eating the whole tub of popcorn alone, when I am going to conventions and concerts alone and feeling like "Let me just get out of this". Believe me, it is no fun going there alone when you are bound to see countless people enjoying in the company of their friends. One year ago, when someone in the group said, "How about a movie this weekend", everybody else agreed to it. Now, the response is like, "I have to go my in-laws house", "I have to go shopping with my wife", "I have to take care of some things at home", and the list just goes on and on. Time changes people, umm, I mean marriage. I am still the same, that's a shocker good thing, right?

P.S. : Just a random update, until I update more of the likes of these. 
Did anyone say anything? I couldn't hear it over the sound of my braggings. 

Thursday, March 5, 2015

The beginning of the end.

6 years. 560 posts. 129000 pageviews. 6 years sounds like a pretty big number. But it isn't as scary as I say my age out loud. I am still in disbelief. Why, you ask? Not that it is a huge number compared to the life goal I am supposed to be doing, or partly it does matter. But this that I have survived for so long. I started writing exactly 6 years ago and I don't know how but I just loved it. I loved it so much that I started recommending to other people in my college, my cousins, my cousins friends, even left the blog url on the tissue papers and accidentally ( I mean consciously) left my blog name or the url in the places I had been to. But guess what, no one gave a damn. Seriously, no one. But I didn't care much. I loved writing and hence I continued to do so. 

Then again, I wasn't a reader either. Truth be told, I haven't read a novel or the likes of it till I hit that writer's block in writing down the lane a few months after I got into writing. Yes, I did read most of the Super Hero and all of Tintin comics and that was the last of it. My dad used to buy books, like autobiographies of famous people such a Mahatma Gandhi and Nehru, and the likes of them. He even bought the book 5 point someone, which apparently was doing good at the Crossword book store. But I was rather interested in wait, what did I do in my free time? I guess nothing. There was no internet either and that DSL internet was the shittiest thing one can ever come across, the dail up freaky tone. Anyway, lets not bring the past to the present. So, where was I? Yeah, writing and reading. I started reading because I wanted to know things, I wanted to have a different perspective on things, I wanted to know how the people's mind worked and how they saw what they saw. I followed almost every single blogger whom I came across, and tried to fit into their shoes or perhaps their mind. Believe me, all this drama did teach me a thing or two. And to add to the list, it also gave me a few good, great friends whom I might not have met but know me a far better than any other person I met(in person) along the way. So, thank you for that.

And this year. This year just doesn't feel so right. Something has been off lately. Optimism hasn't really been my strong suit. And neither has planning for something remotely turned out to be okay. So, I decided to not make plans either it is to write or read or anything as a matter of fact and do things along the way as they come to me. Turns out, that didn't work either. It just feels like I am destined to be doomed, in ways not yet known to me. I told a friend of mine, "When I make some plans, everything in the universe tries to stop it. So I decided not to make any because you know since making plans didn't work out. So not making and thinking that I didn't make any might just yield an outcome which in turns benefits me.". So, in light of all these atrocities against me, I have decided to put this blogging on hold for an indefinite time, until noted. May be, I will just start writing from some other place or with a pseudo name or a different blog. I don't know man. I don't know what to do. Anyway, I came up with this quote or whatever we call it. 

"All good things eventually end. And all bad things should have ended sooner."
- Ajay Kontham, 2015

[Analogy : The text is quoted and there is a name below it and there is a year also for reference. Thats' what we call a quote / quotation. And you are welcome for the enlightenment you recieved.]

This brings the post to the end. The end to (refer the quote and pick a choice)
And... you know what it means.

Monday, February 23, 2015

The Limelight.

The song resonated in its rhythm
Filling the corners of the theater
In silence, the audience tuned in
To the melodious brilliance

The mind swayed in the swiftness,
While the soothings hit every nerve
As the intensity of the voice was felt
The gravity of the words sank in

Unbounded by ones' thoughts,
The mind freely fell into bliss
It wasn't just a song, but
A composition of tormented feelings

Stories vibrated in the ambiance
Echoing the pain, the struggle
The world came to a still
As the final song was performed

The people admired in awe
He breathed in the appreciations
Before him was a dream,
A fulfilled lifetime ambition

As the limelight glimmered
Slowly, he opened his eyes
To find himself alone
Standing in the old coliseum.

- Ajay Kontham, '15

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Love Thyself.

When the love is overrated and a lot undermined. And then there are people who becomes experts with "doctorates", as if they know quat. These people suggest not to get into, but what do they know about it. They say they saw, they have been there, they know things. But they haven't been in my shoes. How can they know how it feels, how empty I feel? How can they know that heaviness the heart carries each day? How can they know the pain that something/someone is just that arms length, yet too far away? How can they possibly know? How can they possible relate their story to mine?  And then they say it is the same every where, with every one. It happens the same way, just the journey to begin it is different. Well, something we both agree on.

They don't stop. They say Don't do it. She isn't suitable for you. She is out of your league. You are not qualified. You are dreaming too much. You are this, you are that. But no one in the right sense encourages the feelings that keep eating me inside. Whats with the eating, you ask? The words fail me, as I find myself lost in the normal conversations. The mind remains preoccupied all the time. The thoughts slur. I dig myself into ways to express, to let the feelings known, speak out, or perhaps write. But I am lost. A hole is dug, a deep hole that is filled with emptiness. Emptiness, the feeling that feels the void in the mind, or is it the heart. They say heart. I know its the heart speaking, being a little crazy, a little stupid, for that one person.

Then I finally met her, her vibrant charm giving me goosebumps, as I float in the soft clouds, drifting in the voice, that sweet voice. I want the conversation to go on. But then I realize that I am just babbling, words that didn't make sense. She laughs at my troubles, the smile the melts the heart like the april snow. I smile and continue my struggle to keep up the conversation, just to keep her at my sight, involved in my conversations and perhaps hope for the magic to happen. But time. Time has always been the enemy, the one thing evil I had ever known. She leaves with a smile, giving me assurance to meet again, that we will continue, but some other time. I feel hopeful, but at the same time I feel the emptiness, even though its been just a second. I stare as she fades in my sight as she takes the turn at the end of the corner.

Call me crazy, but I have never felt the void so heavy, the emptiness so dull, the world so monotonic. The void which she fills up when I am in her presence, even if it for a moment. And the heaviness when she leaves. What is this, but not love? I assured myself to complete me. I was ready to take the chance. I knew that a life without her, would be a life lost. I look up in the mirror as I rehearse the script I wrote while the hundred torn pages lie on the floor withered. I feel hopeful as I imagine my reflection as hers and recite that lines that keep playing in my mind. I could find the heart beat fast already. Her reflection in the mirror fades into mine. I see my nervous self, a person torn between the moment that next, and what's tearing him apart, you ask! Perhaps, it is love. And then it hits him. He knows that he would love her, forever. But will she? Will she be able to be like him for the rest of their lives, imparting the same love he feels he has for her. He brushes away the thoughts, shakes himself, adjusts the tie and is about to leave. Then he hears the reflection in the mirror which stops him from taking a step out, his reflection speak, "Love thyself first".

#iAmYou #youAreI #TheCroniclesOfYouAndI

Sunday, February 15, 2015

A question.

I have been asked a question a lot many times these past few months. And I am getting more familiarized with the very question with no good answer. Well, I do have an answer, but this puts in front of me a few more unanswerable questions. The very question could tell almost everything about me, or perhaps give a brief insight about me in a nutshell. If you are wondering what this question is, let's find out. 

The last month had my birthday and the ritual that I follow consists of me going out, spending on food and umm, that's pretty much it. For the past six to seven years, I have been doing the same. So, one of the following days after the "big day", it goes on like this (most of the times) :
What did you do on your birthday?
I went out and had a stupendous meal.
With whom?
I went alone.
*a little perplexed face, probably because they don't know how to react to that while I give an awkward smile*

The weekends after a very busy week, which most of the people eagerly wait. Since the time Monday begins, I look forward to the weekend in anitcipation of doing something exciting. Then again the eagerly awaited weekend finally arrives and those two days shouldn't go wasted in any way. So, I go for movies (sometimes), or to that new restaurant which opened last week, or the new Starbucks Coffee to check what the fuss about the coffee for the high pocketed or if I feel too lazy, to the regular coffee shop. The following day, Monday which everyone of us hate, the conversation goes on ..

How was your weekend? How did it go?
It was okay types. As usual
How was your weekend?
It was okay. I hung out with my friends.
What did you do ? 
Well, I went to watch a movie on Saturday.
With whom?
Umm, Alone? 

I revamped my Camera. You know the karma shit. It is always there to kick my ass, even if I don't do anything to it. My camera had a trouble, for reason unknown. The cost of repair was equal to a new camera. Yeah, karma is a Biatch. When I say revamped, you get the point, right? I took a new one. Though I wanted to take a high end model, then I realized I was a shitty photographer already ( Photography : proof ), so if I were to go for a high end camera, I had to know everything that is to know how to operate a camera, properly. No, I still don't know. Yes, I have been using a camera for 4 years now. Remember, the shitty photographer comment I threw at myself? Anyhow, I revamped that whole thing but I think I am letting it get dusty safely in the cupboard. Instead, I had an idea of going out, somewhere out of the city or perhaps out of the country. [ But then my bank balance : Zero ] *cries harder*. So, I got a lot of saving to do ( don't laugh, please ). But I took the effort to research a few places and decided to go anywhere somehow this very year. My initial plan was to go this very month whilst I will procrastinate. But remember I mentioned something about revamping the camera, the result of which is reflected in the bank balance. My first choice was Mauritius ( did you see the photos? the sea water? just perfect for honing my photography skills). I thought it was somewhere near Lakshadeep Islands. I found out that it is in Indian Ocean but not a part of India, but Africa. So whatever! I am going there. But let me rob a bank first. A few days later, or I guess it was the following day I was in conversation with a friend.

....So, what else?
Hey, you know what? I am planning to go to someplace, out of the city, like Mauritius, Goa or perhaps Leh Ladakh, or anywhere.
But why?
I am getting bored and so I will go there and take some pictures with the new camera. (I think I sounded a little excited).
Okaay. With whom?
All by myself. ( I was getting bored of using the word alone). 

All this while, I had a lot of thinking about this "issue" at hand. I do a lot of things alone. I don't do a lot of other things because I am alone. You see there are both sides. But the scale is heavier on the things I don't do because I am alone. But let's consider the actual scenarios that I am involved with. Going alone to the movie sucks, I know. But what else am I supposed to do when I have a few friends / acquaintances who bias the movie based on ratings, other's reviews, language, the genre, IMDB rating, whatnot. The problem being we consider watching movie an event. Perhaps it should be done something if we are in a company of people and suddenly decide to spend the time watching a movie. But instead, we plan a week ahead, cancel the plan for the day because we got a movie to watch. I do these things spontaneously, and perhaps thats the reason I go alone?

If you want to watch a movie for passing time, just go and watch with friends. Even if the movie sucks, there will be something to get some fun out of it since there are friends involved and friends won't let a boring movie bother us. But, that is not the case with me apparently, if the movie sucks, I have to put on my headphones and listen to songs and wait for the movie to get over like I did today. Oh bloody hell, that movie had no story and it wasn't getting over anytime soon. 

Now the question that stands in front of me is : Where are your friends, AJ? I wish I had a definitive answer to the question. I am not a people person. It takes time for me get adjusted, acquainted, but when I do I could be crazy, crazy enough for you to block me ( No, not exactly! I am exaggerating. Don't block me now!). I do have friends but sometimes they can't make it to everything I might be involved with. It feels like I have friends but then again I don't. The people whom I consider friends are mostly the people I work with. And as you might have guessed, they have they own friends of their own ( from their school, college, likewise ) and they have known them for a long time have attuned to them in a matter of speaking. There may be new people in our lives, but then again there is that old bond that could never go old, no matter the time / distance / whatnot. I have been a migrant, which means I haven't stayed in a single place for a long time. That should have be a good thing, considering the fact that I have had the chance to meet a lot of people which inturn meant that I should have a lot of friends. There is a procedure that is in play when someone ( say a stranger) becomes a friend, then a best friend and then a friend for life. I haven't stayed long enough to complete that process and all I am left with were friends-turning-acquaintances, while some don't even remember me (true story). Perhaps its' just me and there might be is something wrong with me ( which is true which is quite evident,  Iguess). So, its' me in the limelight again who need some (or a lot) changing to do. But isn't it late? It is late sure, but not late enough to start over. I say this to myself that from tomorrow I will be doing things differently. But the tomorrow turns to hundred another tomorrows and ten years from now, I will be writing this very post again, with a different example. But let's not lose hope, right now ! 

Until later. 

Friday, February 13, 2015

Hey Wind!

Are you listening to the voices
Drifting in the air of chaos
Are you listening to the stories
Etched for eternity on the canvas of sky

Shouldering the stories, of people
Would you let me be a part of it?
Burdened with the mysteries of the world
Would you share them with me?

In need, you were there as
A shoulder, to cry on
A friend, to talk to
A guide, to lead on.

Soaring high up the mighty mountains  
Gliding through the monumental cities
Sinking in the pleasant oceans
Storming across the dessert terrain 

The game you play
Hiding benevolently in plain sight
A mystery that you are
Leaving me alone and empty

The void is bulging
The space is suffocating,
It's not the same without you
Let me be your home, your refuge.

The silence is deafening
Perhaps all is lost. But then,
Swiftly the autumn leaves crumble
Swirling and gushing, you revive the lost hope.

- Ajay Kontham [ 2015 ]


P.S. : I have been working on this for a month, or perhaps even longer. I was at loss of words / inspiration, nah, mostly words, I mean I forgot how to use them (seriously). But I have to thank Wanderer for writing a post titled "Hey Wind" and giving me something to write about, a poem, I mean worambling (If in case you are wondering what it is : Word + Rambling = Worambling. Yes, I created the word! And please no applauses).
P.P.S : I used the same title as Wanderer. Hope that's okay?

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Social Media.

“Social media allows us to behave in ways that we are hardwired for in the first place - as humans. We can get frank recommendations from other humans instead of from faceless companies.” 

― Francois Gossieaux, The Hyper-Social Organization: Eclipse Your Competition by Leveraging Social Media

Facebook Check in : At Pizza-Hut, E-City"  #Lunch #hungry #Pizza
Twitter  : The Pizza is delicious. #hungryForMore #Lunch #somethingLooksDelicious
Instagram : *Posts a selfie of myself and a slice of awesomely looking Pizza*. #pizza #anyone #instaEdit #selfieWithPizza
Twitter : 3 more slices remaining. Anyone? Then, it's just me. Great. #pizzzzzza #Morepizza
Twitter : 1 more slice. Last chance, anyone? No. Thank you. #Pizza #pizzaHut 
Twitter : India is so going to Win. #IndVsAfg #WorldCup2015 #Cricket 
Twitter : Time to get back to work. :( #officeSucks 
Instagram : *Posts a sad face selfie* Going back to work. #Work #office #officeSucks #selfie #noFilter #instaShare #htcOne #htcOnography
- We, the people (most of us), today

Life happened to us. We have accustomed ourselves to evolve and learn things as they go. We have been constant learners and called ourselves dreamers. We did dream big and made it a reality. One such thing that has been constantly evolving with us is the technology and the life surrounding the very technology. As of today we are completely dependent on it and we just can't make a day pass by without it. Starting with waking up in the morning, we are dependent on technology. It has influenced us in so many ways and has become a part of our lives. Before we know it, we have become a part of it rather than, it becoming a part of ours, be it smart phones or the world wide web. And in the process, social networking happened, as a intermediary of technology which changed a lot of things around. When I say changed a lot of things, it is not just one field, but almost every field we can possible think of.

I took a first step into Social Networking - Orkut. Though, I urged with my mom over the Yahoo Answers website which I felt was cool (mostly because of the funny jokes, or perhaps the stupidity), where strangers would answers to our questions and the vice versa. I really didn't understand the concept of Social Networking at that point of time. I found it as a medium to connect with friends. I have been a migrant for a long part of my life and have been to many places. So, in the process I have managed to make a few friends while others remained acquaintances. But the joy and the fun in connecting with them is difficult to put in words, mostly when you realize that they still remember you, like you remember them.

Facebook happened. It was complicated to understand in the beginning, but it became easy and the process continued. Adding friends and increase the friends count became a preliminary task of having an account social network. I had never understood why we used to boast about the huge number of Friends in our Friends List. I feel stupid now. But then it, Facebook managed to impress many other people and managed to take the top spot in the social networking category and now Orkut is dead, literally.

In the beginning of this year, I introduced myself to the field of blogging. I started a blog, then a few more, deleted those few more and started writing in the one I started off with. It was then I came across Twitter - a micro blog (with 140 characters restriction). That's what I used to call it and tell my friends about it, sometimes urged them to join it. But still till this very day, I rarely have any of the people I knew back in the school and college. They have been busy, with the other life. I started "micro- blogging" because not everytime I was able to write big big essays and call them intellectual knowledge sharing, which was read by just me. But let's not speculate.

I got a touch phone. Wow, right? Yeah, I felt awesome, but the dream of having of having a iPhone was too far reaching even at that time. So, as I was experimenting with all the possible available applications and everything that was available (for free), I came across a free internet based messaging platform - Whatsapp. What was that? I had questioned it for rather too long as there was no one on it (none of my friends) and wondered if anyone would ever use it. And just look at today. We just love to hear that Whatsapp notification sound, on which we just have to check it out even if we are hanging on the bus with one hand holding while the remaining body in the air.

The following years had more of experimenting with the Internet and placing my name everywhere on the Internet. (Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. Now, it is just impossible to undo). Anyhow, life continued and slowly the social media (Facebook, Twitter, every other thing) became a part of our lives. And before we know it, we became a part of it. When I say we became a part of it, I mean we have come to a stage where we can't stay without it. Now, we  can't resist ourselves from using it every once in a while (or perhaps more frequently)

Social Media on Mobile Vs Web : How has it impacted my life?

Like I mentioned earlier, I have been associated with Blogging for quite some time now and I have managed to be a part of that community where people indulge in writing and sharing our views. It is similar to what we to on Facebook and Twitter, but on a larger scale. When I say larger scale, I mean not just the audience, but the content that is put up. Yes, the audience is small and that's where Social Media comes into play. The social networks are audience oriented and have a large people base from different countries. So, where else to reach the maximum people than these sites, be it Facebook or Twitter, it has always provided a platform to showcase. Now, it is just not the idea / thought / opinion which is put up in the blog, but almost every other thing. And mind you, anything we do, the whole whole is watching. We have come to this limelight sitting in front of our laptops or holding our smartphones. We express ourselves on a social level, with people watching us. The impact of Social media is huge, if considered. But then it depends on what we are considering.

Getting back.
I have had the privilege of travelling to different parts of the country, call it the work requirement which my dad had to fulfill. So, along these migrations from one place to place, I came across a lot many people, some of whom became good friends like I mentioned earlier. The social network not only helped in reaching them, but also continue that long lost friendship.

I have managed to create two Facebook pages. Along with blogging, I have been able to hone my "creative" skills into photography. And the social platform has helped me in spreading the word and let the whole world know how I see the world, be it the words (I put up in the blog) or the pictures (which I put up in the Facebook Page).

I am the laziest person that the world might have ever seen. To point out, I don't even know my dad's number, because long press one in the mobile is much easier than trying to remember a 10 digit number. So, when in the morning a notification from the Facebook urges you to wish a friend since its their birthday today, it helps in a way for people like me.
To put it in simple words, Social media has brought the world, friends and family into a  common place or a single device, helping me to interact and to be a part of it.

Then again if I speak about just one person( me), I might not be able to speak about the actual impact it has caused. I am (just) a  part of the social network and there is a role that we, each one us play in it. The word social is self explanatory in that aspect. 

Social networking is a wide spread phenomenon involving all wakes of life. Be it a 6 year old or a 60 year old, everybody these days are connected to the social media. We can interact with people from different places, know about them, talk to them,  know about them. And in the process, inspire, get inspired, preach, learn, share, and the list goes on. At a single touch of a button on our smart phones, we are in company with a million other people. 

If one is looking to expand their business, the social media is the right target. Channelling the right resources and products, advertising and meeting the customer's expectation is a way of marketing to expand the business. It could be widespread and since the customer base is large, one can get a guarantee of the investments made.

The wide spread reach and a million other people being a part of it have found a way to influence and inspire people. It may be a little thing, perhaps a good gesture from a person, or a community, the social media has managed to put that in the front line. Not everything hits the news and not everything is appreciated by us. But on a larger scale, these little things are remembered if not by many, at least by a few.

One may be adding "#hashtags" to the events that are happening around, but once it reaches the people, all are united to stand as one for the betterment of the people. Campaigns, social movements,  social meetings, forums, whatnot; everything at the touch of a hand. There are many instances where the people on the social media have helped others, influence people, urged to make a difference, started campaigns to spread the message and have been successful in reaching and achieving their objectives. People keep a track of almost everything that is happening in the social network and when the cause is genuine, every other person lends a hand to help. Some may not be ground-breaking, but they do have the potential to bring about a change in a way while some have the capability of uniting people for a specific (read: just) cause.

Social media is updating itself and we can see a lot of things that will happen in the near future. If you ask whether social media is a boon or a bane? Mostly, it has done more good than otherwise. Perhaps, it is us who have the potential to make the right choice and take it forward.

“I am participating in the #SMWBangalore activity at BlogAdda in association with Social Media Week Bangalore“.