- Ajay Kontham ™
- Bangalore, Karnataka, India
- | Writer | Photographer | Split Personality Disorder | Dreamer | Thinker | Foodie | Music-Lover | Art | God-Fearing | Movies | Riding | Mid-Night Adventures | Swimming | Golf | Soccer | Dance | Rational | Stubborn | Fashion | Silent | Sensitive | Calm | Helpful | Psycho | Mad | Crazy |Stupid | Creative | Mentally Stable Psychopath |
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Things are getting out of hand. Or probably not. But there is something going on these days which could be termed as odd? Don't beat yourself up before I get the chance to shake things down by explaining? Or probably just tell? Explain it is! I am a vigorous writer, not in a good way though. Sorry to disappoint.
I have always been fascinated with caffeine. I get around like 4 times a week to the same coffee shop that is there in my vicinity either it is to read or write or just about anything. So, I am a loner that way. The guy at the coffee shop knows better than I do. He knows me because there is the same person almost every day of the shop. Earlier it was on a rotation basis, I guess, or probably the gaps between the visitations were quite large. Well, that can't be true. But anyway that dude over there knows what I have. I could just walk up to him and saw "My regular please" and I would get it to my table with in 5-10 minutes. Now, the other day I witnessed a problem. My regular that I mentioned earlier didn't include just the kind of coffee. No Sir, No. I don't just satisfy myself with a King size cup of coffee. It has its additions, like a big cake piece/ pastry with extra chocolate syrup (thats' the name and also it changes with the location) and then something spicy or normal like a French croissant. Has anyone tried that French croissant? It is so soft that it just melts in the mouth. So awesome. What? Yeah, it costs a little too much for too little of a thing(s), but why does this have to be about money? Anyway, as I was saying the problem! My so called regular is apparently very regular that once in a while I drop one or two things but the third one remains constant. But whenever I do that, oh I forgot to mention something. As I enter the shop, the guy behind the counter kind of already has an idea of what I am going to buy. The other guy literally starts preparing the coffee or slicing the cake. I walk up to the counter tell what I wanted to have as if I was trying out something new and he is like mentally praising himself for being right. But whenever I decide to just have one thing and tell the same, he just looks at me as if I forgot something. In the meantime, I think that the computer is just a little bit more time to complete the order. But then he asks me the obvious question, "And Sir, chocolate fantasy with chocolate syrup and that". I turn my lips into an awkward smile and say "No, not today, Thanks!" and he could see his face frown probably he was mentally un-checking the most obvious order. I feel good that he remembers what I have, yeah genius, no kidding, it isn't a inverse relative theory formula (wait, there is no such thing, don't beat yourself up please) but a little bad for disappointing him in some way. But the other day it is again the same routine. The worst of all is when I decide to have just one and tell just that one, but then again he continues to tell the remaining things of the most obvious regular order as he always does when I don't mention it, I get attracted to it then, if I had decided earlier not to have it. This is not good, right?
Starbucks! The bucks factory. No, not the place were money is created but, collected. It came to Bangalore like an year ago or probably less than that. I was / am a coffee addict as we all know, even that guys at "my" "regular" coffee shop also know plus a few other people, umm, the bottom line is everybody knows. So, I wanted to try this just like I tried at all other coffee shops, most of them since it is not as easy to go around searching for a coffee shop. Wait, nobody does that, right? But I had not been to Starbucks till two weeks prior. I wanted to go, but some circumstantial work or something like that. So I went into the shop and since I had a laptop with me ( a planned coincidence) because well, I wanted to write something. Keeping that mind it might take a while for settling down my mind and then get down to business, I ordered a Cappuccino Grande, the largest cup of the lot. Now, I wanted to spend some time there. But I don't remember saying him that it was a takeaway, but he gave me in a takeaway cup. That is what I hate about exploring places on my own, I have to visit the same place just to get familiar with how the things work there and what to tell. So anyway, I grab my Grande cup after a loud shout of my name along with a couple of sugar packets and head out to the open area just outside the Starbucks shop where the tables were there. I settle myself, open my laptop and pretending to appear busy and "geeky", though miserably failing and saw a few eyes directed towards me with a question "Is this guy for real?". Oh, I didn't mention that I was trying to act smart and hence dressed according, but I wasn't meeting either of the criteria and hence the awkward eyes towards me. Anyway, I pour two packets of sugar mix it and then close the lid. The takeaway cups come with a lid which has a tiny hole for letting the vapors out and another for drinking. So, I fiddle with my laptop typing something which most didn't make sense, wait, it wasn't English or any language that I know of. After pretending to write for something, I take my grande cup of coffee and take a sip. Only that I didn't take a sip but was greeted with hot something on my stomach. I wasn't quite sure why I wasn't able to take a sip, so I pulled it up a little more and then I realized that I was feeing coffee to my stomach and slowly went down from there. I didn't look up, I didn't move as if I saw some ghost, as if I were dead but in a sitting position. After a minute or so, I placed to cup as if I had a nice sip of coffee and was pleased with it and pretended to look at my laptop as if I just received an important mail just that very second. I slowly saw up and there were people all around, some passing by, some having coffee, some just sitting. No wonder it was a big mall and this was in the open in the center of the mall just outside the shop. Nobody I could see was laughing or may be they were laughing or I didn't notice properly. I just wiped out as if the stain would just go. Not to mention I looked like I just peed. That damn lid. I did close it but not proper enough, clearly! The rest of the time I just stared at my laptop cursing and my plan to write something just went down the drain again. I did write but it involved more swearing and just F words like the tape stuck at that word in the stereo.
What's more? One last thing about this coffee thing and I am done. At my office there is usually free coffee. Earlier during my training there was a coffee machine in almost every floor of the building and yeah, it was free. Now this coffee machine had various options that we could choose from, like we would just ask the guy at the counter looking at the list of different items available. Exactly the same but self service plus it was totally free. We could have any number of times in a given day, though during trainings most of the time was restricted to the labs and classrooms, but still. But afterwards when I started working in the actual thing, they limited the number of coffee intake. How, you ask! They started this system with a small booklet which contained like 60 odd leafs and that was it for the month. Then the revolution of clean environment BS like Save Paper thing came up, which was a good thing actually since we didn't had to stand in the queue to get that petty small leaflet. Now the policy was to swipe our ID cards and each employee has a limited number of swipes which is 60 per month, no carry forwards no borrows. It is not a shocker when I usually get a mail regarding the same that I am only left with 15 odd swipes after the tenth day of the month. Then again there are various options from which we could choose from. A Bru Coffee which is kind of odd since my organization has a Tata Tea under its pocket but no Tata Coffee. But anyway, I chose that from among other 10 different varieties available there. Looks like, I have become just too obvious these days because even the guy who serves us the after taking our choice of order, I get mine before I even say it. Lucky me, right?
It is quite clear that I am more than a coffee addict. I have succeeded in establishing that with almost everyone even with people across time zones. No wonder there was a story based on me and specifying my encounters with the Coffee shop. Though this has turned out to be something that people nowadays mock me with. Like when they ask what did you do on the weekend, I would probably say that I hung around at the coffee shop most of the time. The next obvious question is all alone? to which my obvious answer is Yeah, which then leads to the primary question or rather a statement "Oh, you are waiting for your dream girl, just like in the story"! No. Because I know that it is most unlikely to happen and my dream girl is not one person to start with, umm, lets not get into the details of it. But come on, where has anyone seen a girl just walking up in the coffee shop and talking to a perfect stranger. However badly I want that to happen, there is no way on gods' green earth that is going to happen. Ever.
So, is this going out of hand? Or I am just afraid of change? No, I ain't afraid of no change. Oh God! That sounds horrible! Too much TV *sigh*, I confess! Let me try again. No, I am not afraid of change, it is more concerned about the other things that I am not big of a fan. Though however badly I want to try new things, I can't do without a guide? 'cause mostly it deals with the procedure of how it is done. Last time i ordered a Irish coffee, I had one hell of a time drinking that one large beer-cup-with-narrowing-bottom cup or whatever it is called.
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
It all began two years ago. I wasn't sure about what the rush was all about back then, nor do I have about now. 'Who would have thought?' was the most obvious question of this time, but nothing superficial either even if it was quite out of the blue.
It was an unusual day for me. Being an insomniac, I have developed this new, well, you could call it an odd pattern. I start sleeping just at the brim of the sun starts showering the morning bliss of sunshine. It is quite odd, isn't it? "What about the office and work?", you ask. Well, I got that under control, most of it. Or may be not. So, that usual day something unusual had to happen and it turns out, I was late for the morning bus. I still had a couple of minutes, I mean literally just a couple and I couldn't cope with brushing, rinsing myself, pressing the clothes, searching for socks within that couple minutes. What I did was I decided to wait for another bus which comes nearly two hours apart from the usual time. It was a company transport, so I decided to go in late.
I reach office an hour late, well thanks to my weird sleeping habits only to be greeted by a young hyper-active lady who seemed more happy and jumping around than the concerned party. "Hey, wish him 'Congratulations' ". As he was standing just beside us, I did congratulate him even without knowing what I was doing that for. "He is getting engaged", she shouted. "Oh, congratulations for getting engaged". Well, as for me, I didn't quite believe it the first time, nor the second time. Another person who was rocking the same boat as I was said that he wasn't going to believe and I couldn't agree more to him. It was all of a sudden and we were never even hinted on this matter. Sure, we had discussions about what kind of girl or marriage the past couple of days or weeks, but anyone particularly getting married or engaged was never on the platter.
Eventually, the whole of the office knows about it. Well thanks to the hyper lady around here, who in fact has a guy and when asked about marriage, she isn't quite sure when that might happen. Well, no shocker there. But it was a done deal which was quite evident from all the other people poking fun at him for going to get engaged, the kind of stuff that everyone does to the person going to "settle" down. Well, I had anticipated this sooner since the search for his better half began nearly two years prior to now. So, it wasn't a shocker altogether. He had been hinting about his mother searching for a girl since I know this guy. And also he wanted to get married as soon as possible and one of the most obvious the reason being receding hair line(well, he says this for fun, but not quite this). *Looks at my hair*, oh crap! *Adjusts the wig*. But nevertheless, it was happening and his engagement happened last weekend. I wish him all the best for his future and his better half.
The chatter is still consistent with his theories of what he will do/might do / or even plan to do. Anyone in his friends' circle have a pretty good picture of what's the weight of all those "future plans" of his. Believe me, you are going to hear everything he could do and his voice gives the impression that he most definitely will, but the very next minute the plan changes and sounds as convincing as the first one did. And later he would quite simply strike everything out saying that "People tell a lot of things that we would do, but do we do everything". Well, that's everyday story and perhaps that is going to change in a couple of months.
"So AJ, when are you planning to get married?". Whoa, easy there buddy as I let out a funny laugh. I and marriage don't travel the same road as of now and the day we cross paths are ages away and I mean it. And I don't understand what's the rush about all this marriage drama nor do I understand the people's curiosity about others marriage. Cool dude, I believe everyone has their own crazy sh*t to take care of. So, lets' get back to it. Peace out.
Thursday, September 11, 2014
It wasn't an easy step for Vivek to have taken the high road. He wasn't sure of the what might have happened otherwise. But it was the risk he was willing to take. He always had a thing for pretty women. Well, who doesn't? Unless, of course the stereotype is different. And then the pretty thing happened to be the girl from the same office, same friend's circle. But who would have thought. Love. Love happened. When did all this happen, how did all this happen still linger to be quite a mystery. And who would that lucky lady be?
It the middle of January when we heard the news of a friend, Sameera's sister's marriage. As a formality she had invited this little group of friends for the marriage. I wasn't sure about all this since the person in question is an unknown person and we going there might not look good, may be. But anyway as the day neared, we planned a small trip of 3 days. And obviously, someone had to bail out. So, Karthik bailed on us just a few days before the planned trip with the sole purpose to meet his brother who was coming to the city that very weekend. So, that left us with four people with Asha being one of them. If I were in her shoes, I would have given it a pass, but she didn't. Well, the reason was obvious, but we weren't sure.
The night saw the busiest of the traffic and the darkest of all nights. I am usually the insomniac, a noted one. But journeys aren't my strong suit in this aspect. So, if I don't have a laptop or a book, the obvious thing that I do is sleep, of course. Who wouldn't, right? But for the next 2 days, I was the guy who slept the most. I was seating comfortably in the rear, while Gautham was in the front to guide the driver as he knew the way better than we did and also the fact that we were going to his hometown, his home. That was the plan for the first day. I slept like a coma patient, totally unaware of what was happening around me unless they stopped the car to get something or the destination arrived. And from that onwards, they mock me whenever it comes about journeys and sleep. Believe me, I can go for 3 days in a row without sleeping. You would probably black out after day 1.
The car silently took the curves as I lay indulged in some creepy dream of sorts. Asha and Vivek were sitting beside me, while Gautham was fiddling with the Google Maps in the front seat of the car. The chemistry that was building up beside me was not a bizarre thing. We always had an idea of what was happening, but we couldn't be so sure. Why because Asha is elder to us except for Gautham who is the eldest of us all. So, why pinch the sleeping tiger and mess everything all up. And we were quite about all this even though the progress was visibly visible. After two days of long tedious and tiring journey where I enjoyed the company of a curled up sleep and crazy dreams while the chemistry bonded over 500 miles of journey and a lot of talking and talking. If it weren't for that trip, Vivek wouldn't have been so forthcoming about this to her and vice versa. And if it weren't for this trip, we wouldn't have to see these couple cosying up in the office or any place as a matter of fact. If it weren't for this trip. If it weren't for Sameera's sister's marriage. If it weren't for Sameera to persuade us to come.
But what happened in the past month, God could only imagine. Sameera, Asha, Vivek and Karthik are on bad terms. Really bad terms. Sameera thought it was better to withdraw herself from whatever was happening. And the rest of the people kind of agreed to the excommunication. I am stranded in the middle still dipped in a sea of confusion of what had just happened and could that be that great/big of a reason to break. It started off with Sameera and Vivek and Karthik reeled in a second later. And then Venky had to add the fuel. No, he wasn't the main reason but when it came to pointing fingers, one did momentarily. Truth be told, I have no idea what the freaking hell was happening. And since Vivek is involved and the front runner of all this, Asha took a stand along with him. Of course she had to, or not. It was her choice to make. The result was drastic, one I could never imagine.
I could get glimpses of Asha passing comments on Sameera every once in a while, about what she does, did and was doing. They were good friends before all of us. And now, not quite so. If letting go was one thing, stop complaining or passing comments and most importantly stop referring to people as third person. They have a name, either use it or stfu. Well, whatever. Moving on. Seriously though, I could never move on until this is resolved. Or is it resolved already. Has the differences set everything straight? I chose not the believe this, no matter how true it turned out to be. Once a friend stays a friend, am I wrong? I probably am.
The roads, now merged as one travelling to the destination unknown. Hand in hand, syncing their songs of togetherness they walked down the trodden road, exploring and beheld with questions of what was in store for them. Everybody, Vivek and Asha , simply inseparable !!
P.S.: I guess it didn't turned out the way I wanted it to. I don't know. I got carried away but the ticking clock, may be. No, not exactly, I am just finding excuses to make me feel better. But anyway, hope I don't get people running away.
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Private India By Ashwin Sanghi & James Patterson. I am not at all good at review because I am that guy who doesn't like to sway away from the technicality or normalcy, or something like that which ever makes sense.
Genre : Suspense, Thriller, Fiction
Rating : 2.5 / 5.
What is this book about? It is about a person with a Vendetta, seeking revenge by killing people while a team of Professional Investigators try to solve the mystery of who was committing all these murders in the city of Mumbai. Not only is someone on a rampage killing people, there is also a bomb blast by the Islamic liberator who is influenced in his childhood about the same and angered by the way people were treating their community. It does bring up an intriguing web of connection linking almost every character portrayed in the novel and the killer has some or the other link to most of the characters. It is a nicely weaved story, a gripping one as well. No wonder I dozed off to sleep for the last couple of days while reading this book. The excitement and the enthusiasm slowly dies out the killer is slowly revealed in the end of the book.
What put me off?
The whole idea of the story was gripping and the suspense was steady till the last hundred pages or so when the killer is slowly revealed. The reason for committing murders is reasonable but for that what the person in question does is a little not-so-ordinary . If that were the case assuming that people would to that extremes to seek revenge, but the reply after getting caught puts it all away.
Next thing is I still didn't understand why was there so much melodrama about a Mujaheddin trying to blast something in the city. The city was already plagued with one deadly killer and on top of it this blast. And again, the way it is avoided gets you into asking, "Really? Is that it? What was this for? Why even put up that agenda in the book in the first place." While we are at it, lets add aliens as well. Because ... well, why not?
Then there was a personal vendetta and the main lead is a drunk. No spoiler alert. But he has been a drunk. I assumed that he became a drunk after the incident and the blasts and everything. But seems like, he was a drunk since he was a kid, or something like that perhaps.
Overall, I just couldn't relate the characters, all Indian ofcourse and that is the reason probably. But I just couldn't draw a mental picture of these characters, I just had to bring a few from the other people I knew mostly foreign. I was trying to play the scene in my mind as I read through the novel but the Indian characters felt just out of place. May be I have been reading and watching western movies , TV series or reading books, but a guy with a cane, come on, where in India have we seen that. And a rock band back in the day I wasn't even born? Are you kidding me? This was too western to be true.
Would I recommend you to read it?
Yeah sure, why not! Despite whatever I think, the suspense is what keeps the reader intrigued. And oh, by the way, there were a few pages at the end of the book after the story had ended titled "PRIVATE : How it all began.." and this was more interesting than the whole novel.
P.S. Now, you know why I don't book reviews. I suck at them clearly. And that is the exact same reason I don't get any guest posts or anything of sorts. But I am glad that I have been able to waste some of your time. I shouldn't be glad about that, should I?
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
The wait was finally over. The time felt right, or did it? It had been almost six years and one of my friend - colleague had been working in the same project (almost) since he joined the corporate industry. I met him nearly a year ago when I still a newbie to all this corporate thing and also after I had wasted a good part of the year doing nothing. Well, thanks to the establishment I was working under, it had it's perks, what would I say? I could have just used that time to do something more useful, something more important and found a better job, perhaps. But I was too lazy, could I say? Or I wasn't sure what the next big thing was supposed to be for me. Anyway, our person in question has come from a very good college, the kind of college which compels to ask questions like, "You studied in that college and are working here? Why? You could shift to a better paying, better qualified work as per your intellect. ... " kind of questions and suggestions kept hearing for a very very long time.
But he chose to stick to the same organisation even though he knew that there was nothing big for him or for anyone. He would give suggestions to me to get into some higher studies or likewise. But I was being me. Well, the wait was finally over. This is for the fact regarding an onsite opportunity. The project he has been associated with is a Canada based project. The process of getting Visa or other formalities wasn't a big thing compared to the US visa, but there was still a catch. There is always one. The catch here being that a person has to have minimum five years of experience in the same organization. This was one of the biggest BS norm I had ever heard of.
When I came to the project still fresh, while the mind was totally empty, thanks to the 8-9 months of prolonged exposure to TV series and wall ceiling of my room, I was as sharp as a ....umm.... exactly. The person in question had received a certificate for successfully completing 5 years in the same organization. Great, innit? Anyway, after nearly 6 months from that date, the Visa process was finally initiated. Almost everyone he knew would ask the question of his onsite, some even thought that he already went and came back because they did. But he was still here all the time. He used to feel bad when the people younger than him and with whom he used to work in the early years have gone and came back, already. I had no idea why a person with that much intellect and expertise in his field would still be doing in the same organization that doesn't give back to him much, let alone much anything.
But when the whole Visa process was initiated, he was kind of hopeful. But then again, after a struggle for nearly 2-3 months, the Visa was approved, but there was no opportunity on the onsite, as in there was no requirement for a developer. That fate is literally a bit*h, I must say. But, but, almost a week away from completing six years he was told to go to Canada that very weekend, with a notice of 3 days. Well, it wasn't like he was going to miss that chance anyway.
Over the period of one year, I have been his lunch buddy. We used to have a group of nearly 5 people when we started this going-out-of-office lunch thing, because the food at office sucked like big time. Or at least was it free? No, you had to pay for it. Well, thanks to the biggest organization which can't provide a lunch meal for the employees. I wonder what it does with all the money it has amassed over the time. Well anyway, the group of five got reduced to four since a guy was rather inconsistent in coming to office and also that the project I was working with him had to ramp down due to so called "budget issues". So, the four of us were a regular batch the 3-4 restaurants that were in the vicinity of the office. It was going fine until last couple of months, when the fourth guy recently got engaged. That still wasn't the problem. The problem was that he was un-allocated as in the project he was working in ended and also that he was planning to shift to Kolkata. Now, the group of three, however odd it seemed were on the daily rampage of exploring and eating outside as usual. And then out of the blue, the third member, the person in question got an opportunity to go to Canada, a long awaited dream, one could say. And within a day's notice he was gone.
Now, this was odd. We were trickled down to two people, just two people. However odd, we felt we still did the same thing that we had been doing for the last one year or so. And then, another batch of colleagues just came into the restaurant just as we were about to finish. I had just finished but the other guy has almost there. This new group of four were occasional visitors as in like once a week or only-on-the-weekend type. On seeing them, my other colleague who was just about to finish just blurted out,"I lost my appetite". I would too, given the possibility if I hadn't finished by then.
By the way, any volunteers? We sure are going to share the bill, unless its' your birthday or your cat's or any special occasion that you could possibly think of. Seriously though, we need to recruit new members to this dry team of two. Probably, distribute playcards or vouchers of sorts. Just saying.
*Prints the vouchers saying "Lunch mates needed". Interested candidates can contact the below mentioned ..............*.
Wait, what are you still doing here? You weren't supposed to see this! Oh, crap!
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
People are fragile. It is not exactly the people, but it is their emotions and feelings. That is fragile. It is not rocket science to understand the complexity or the anatomy of what goes around with these things. But still it is a problem nevertheless. Because not many of the people read the label on the cover "FRAGILE" written in bold just like this minus the italics. This is what makes us human, or probably not. The differences and the uniqueness that each one has are absolutely amazing because it gives us a lot to learn, despite all the odds. But above all, the emotions are the key to anything, their feelings also not to mention specifically. They play a morale role in the nature and behavior of people. It is all nice and cozy unless someone has to say something and mess up the whole equilibrium that one has been getting along with. That one stone that causes endless ripples in the water.
Recently, I had the taste of it and god, was it bitter. Now, what was in it to taste the fragility of the people's emotions or feelings, you may ask. Umm, I agree that I have a very poor choice of words, but I feel exactly the same. Consider this - Two people and after an exchange of some words, they decide to never talk to each other, like forever. And these two people are among of the few good friends that I know. Was it a misunderstanding? No. Was it a argument (simple or heated)? No. Did someone get physical? Hell no. But the idea of two girls fighting is kind of on my bucket list. (God No. I was kidding. Who has that on a bucket list? Pssstt.) But then again it wasn't one on one take down. There was only one person on the other side of the rope in one team while the other had a bunch. It wasn't fair. Not fair as in the whole idea of segregation, keep aside the problems that followed which might have acted as a catalyst leading to more distance.
So, when all this thing had already happened, the first thought I got after realizing that the ties have been broken, was to mend them. But as days progressed the ropes diminished and reached a point where was no rope left to tie or mend. It was like everyone involved was trying to find reasons to stay apart. I wasn't sure whose fault (fault? It was no one's fault here. But it was something totally different and way above my head to even perceive or interpret) was it, or what was going on. I just knew that bla bla happened and the next thing I know, the ropes are cut, just like that, the bridge broken down and did it leave it there, no, but the bridge was set on fire. In the midst of this burning bridge, the flame caught up faster by the so called reasons. I didn't even make an attempt to put the fire out. I had no clue as of why or what was all of this was happening. I was with the impression that any trials to put the flame out would just burn it even more like gasoline on fire. As a result, I was the neutral party and still am. And this neutrality, believe me, sucks.
Every day, I feel the inquisition to put the thought of bringing them together, but I don't know, I am just not able to take that step. It is the right thing to do, but still there seems to be too much going with the silent treatment and getting back to normal is a bit of a problem. The thing is that both stand corrected and totally firm in their decisions and the main reason being each person on the other side of the rope are just trying to finding reasons, like I mentioned earlier. So, I have no idea whether I should take the risk of building the bridge and let the water flow in the stream uninterrupted or let the broken bridge obstruct the water stream in whatever way possible and be a silent spectator.
After penning all this down, I feel like an idiot to have waited for this long and only giving more room for bridge to break down furthermore. I should have taken a stand at the very instinct and did something and if not averting, at least I could have contained it somehow, I suppose. Sometimes, it's the risk that decides the outcome rather than the thought of the consequences of the risk. There will always be consequences, but I sure as hell hope that the consequences are of the right kind. And so the wait. They say time heals the pain or whatever BS that means or whosoever said that, but I believe that by a minor percentage.
So, what should I do? Take the risk, right? Then why do I have a bad feeling about this?
Last time, I mentioned about deleting the blog or doing some changes since I had this stupid feeling that I wasn't shown any love by anyone, metaphorically speaking of course. And that I will start up afresh. Or rekindle this existing blog somehow. But I sure have hurt a few people by even mentioning it which I deduced from the comments I received. So, my sincere apologies to even have mentioned it in the first place. I will not delete this blog, but rekindle? Hell yeah. But, with time perhaps. So, I just wanted to thank the people reading especially Red Handed and Aathira for being so generous for being able to give a shout. Thank you. Because of you two, I am totally over the idea of deleting and am hoping never to visit that thought ever again. But the change is on its way, a slow process perhaps. Just hang on, I guess. Poor choice of words, again? Anyway, take care.
- Ajay Kontham
Sunday, August 31, 2014
I have been watching my blog for quite some time. I know that I have been totally irregular and posting not-so-good posts. But keeping aside all that, I have come to a conclusion that there is no one visiting my blog. I have waited too long, perhaps. So, I am going to rekindle and do some changes over here. Or probably delete my blog and start afresh or something like that. Any update on the change will be duly intimated over here on this blog, ofcourse. But I still can't believe that there is no one. I mean not even a single person. At least one. No. Okay, fine. I should have seen this coming.
- Ajay Kontham
Thursday, August 28, 2014
The vacant silence haunted the blistering rage which crushed the soul into pieces like shattered glass. The question of the perplexed relation between silence and darkness daunts the mind. The silence that beamed in the dark, echoed in the vast emptiness, yet, it wasn't an hollow vessel. May be it was the darkness. Darkness, exclamation mark. Doesn't it divulge into the so called emptiness while the mind wonders how did all of this place into perfect place, and how did all of this took perfect shape. The emptiness that filled the bright light. It wasn't the light filling the emptiness; imparting light and serving as the hope, as anticipated. But, devoid of light, the loss of hope. Hope, the binding element that keeps everything alive and in sync. Nature is mysterious. Life too. As a moment passes by in the dimness of the waking light with or without the aforementioned element of hope. Hope is everything. Without it, it is just emptiness. A big dark vacant space like the black hole. It depends on what we chose to believe in. And What do we chose to believe in? What is the power that has been bestowed upon the life species?
The blinded manifestation of the thought that there is someone, something superior and powerful, someone magical and completely out of the world literally, making decisions for us is a big misconception. There is power in everything, everyone, in you. It just needs realization, like the tiny light in the darkness. The tiny ray of light that shines in the emptiness of the darkness. Hope. One unique distant dream. The conception that future is uncertain and that the choices and actions lay the foundations for the tomorrow, a better tomorrow, or even the best tomorrow. But isn't it all hope and nothing more or less. Hope? What is it? An uncertainty that something good might happen amid all the chaos that surrounds us. Good. Chaos. The former is left for fate and the later is our creation. Another anagram, another battle. Mind is the best battle ground, if you chose to believe it. You. We. I. It is us and just I everywhere and no where.
But then again, just hope. Is it enough? Hoping for something good to turn up, despite the odds that take place or forced to have taken place. Forced to take place as in our own creation, our actions, and its consequences, precisely. It does require quite a lot of elements to ensure that the tiny hope that lingered in the mind is not just a distant dream, beyond the reach. Hard work, preservation, determination, integrity, commitment, bla bla and the list goes on. The point is that it is just not one thing that gives us what we require, but a combination of a few hundred other things. Though the outcome is uncertain, ofcourse, unless the question isn't about the perfect perfectionist. Perfection. Being perfect! Aren't we all perfect? Perfect, in our own way, in the little space that we surround ourselves with, by being ourself, following what we believe to be true. Even though the question of imperfectly perfect is a commendable one or even perfectly imperfect.
As the silence grew darker amid the glowing present of bewildered thoughts, the destination was certainly uncertain. But a binding feeling that one is not too far from destiny, or that is what one chose to believe, is indeed the driving force. Yet the uncertainty of the future still prevails and the amalgam of million things makes the future possible if one believes to make it happen. But that is for another day to ponder about. The night is still young and there is more one could than they could possible imagine.
Thursday, August 21, 2014
"The trick is to take the risk."
It is not always a trick to make the dominoes to fall into place. Yes, the key factor is dedication and not to mention the precision and or the hard work, if I could also put into this picture. There is no guarantee that the first construction would make the dominoes to fall into place. It takes several tries, and I guess we all can agree to that. But it was as easy as pie for Vivek when it came to placing the dominoes. And boy did they fall into place when he finally met the love of his life. There are complications, sure, but isn't that love all about. So how did all this happen? And who is this mystery lady?
It was long before the dominoes fell into place. The way that he used to talk with her was quite evident and among a group of seven, umm including me, it is not rocket science. When the conversations long laster or when they still continue at the odd hours of the night, which is the the usual time for people to sleep. But we were never sure that this guy would really take the risk of placing the dominoes and expect them to fall into place. Well, I was always kept out of their discussions as of what happened when our guy doesn't have lunch or seems too upset. I guess he already placed the dominoes and took the chance and by his behavior it didn't turn out to be good. His supervisor who is another creepy guy also seemed too conscious of his behavior and inquired about the reason for his dullness. We kind of know the reason, but didn't knew for sure. So, we didn't had the chance to console or give us our opinion.
It was another dull afternoon in the office when I learned that Vivek had to rush home due to some family emergency. I wondered what it was because I had a cousin's marriage coming up and I was thinking of a good reason so that I could get leave from office. I could just tell that it was my cousin's marriage and be good with it, but I already had told the same the last two times, one for the engagement and the other for the other cousin's marriage. Anyway, I did cook up some good excuse just like this family emergency thing to attend the marriage. So anyway, he was on his way all of a sudden and our fair lady in the group summons me. And to state the obvious, I wasn't having any work at that time, I mean literally no work at all. But before I go there, there is something else that happened just two days before this. I went for a training to which Asha also came along. And while we were waiting for the session to begin, we were having a casual conversation, when a question pops up. The question being my opinion on the guy Vivek, and how he is, about his character, and whether I would consider him if I had a sister? Again, it is not rocket science to figure out what was happening. But to be fair, I knew about that already. So, as usual I had to play dumb as if I had no idea what was happening. I gave her my piece of mind about him. So, I was dead sure that what I had anticipated was true after all.
So, she calls me to the canteen and tells me the story of the dominoes falling to place and that he,Vivek was on his way to convince his parents for marriage. Whoa, steady there brother! So fast? I was literally shocked at the speed this was going. And the she continued saying that she has to take this matter to her home that weekend. Wow. I was like really WOW! No words came out of me. I don't know whether they thought about the future or not, or even the present, or the consequences or anything. I don't know. All I know is that it was pretty fast and the dominoes falling into place, is that the right way?
P.S. : I am hoping to do much better justice to his though my words. May be next time. I had to get the kick start in writing. Though, this didn't turned out the way I wanted it to turn out, but still. Anyway, I should have stayed as the voice that doesn't take form of a person. Well, I hope to do that from next post onwards.